Eleven Months, Two Weeks and Two Days

That's how long the deployment lasted, give or take a few hours. But Robby is home now!

Thank you all for reading, commenting, thinking of us during this long deployment. Peace and love to you all this holiday season!

Cami, Robby and the Girls!

Two Weeks Gone

Two weeks of R&R have passed and Robby has left the island on his way back to Iraq now. we had a good time of course but it was all over too quickly. We took him to the airport this afternoon and were able to get security passes to take him to the gate and wait with him until boarding. Anya was very cranky by then and Inara didn't understand why she couldn't go with Daddy but she recovered so far. Tomorrow will really tell - I still think she will take it worst than the other two. Jadzia cried some but I think that was because of my crying mostly.

Anyway, 3.5 months is much shorter than the first 7.5 months and if we have any luck at all he will be home by Christmas. Here's hoping. Between now and then we have Jadzia's actual birthday, Halloween, T-Day, Grandma's visit and then he'll be home hopefully. Lots to keep us busy yes?

Now for some pictures to wrap up this post :)

Four Months

It's hard to believe that it's been four months since Robby deployed. It hasn't been as bad as I expected really. I will be happy when it's over though. Going anywhere beyond the base with three kids is just plain exhausting at this point so I'll be happy to have him home when he gets home.

Stalling and other such Musings

As I've mentioned before, Jadzia's one "chore" is to clean up the play room every night. Inara attempts to help and I attempt to get her to help but she's not really all that good at it. Previously the problem with project clean up seemed to be distraction by the toys and such. It took forever, I'd get frustrated and so on and so forth. Well now Jadzia has discovered the fine are of stalling. She knows that clean up time means bedtime so maybe that's the catch? Anyway part of the evening routine is to go upstairs (after the grand clean up) and she's goes to the bathroom one last time, baths, teeth brushing, etc. But for the last few nights, within a few minutes of me saying it's time to clean up the play room Jadzia says she has to go potty. Okay - she's four, I'm not going to make her wait if she really needs to go. So she goes to the bathroom, shuts the door and five minutes later I go check to make sure she didn't fall in and she's sitting in there doing nothing. Sometimes she says she's going other times I can see her start to scramble off the toilet like she's be caught. While she may go to the bathroom a little, I'm 90% she doesn't REALLY have to go, she's just delaying the whole bedtime routine. Even when she gets upstairs she still goes again.

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Yesterday at some point Bluto got locked in the bathroom. I assume Inara shut him in there as she is apt to do. So I when Jadzia alerted me to this fact, she was the one who let him out of the bathroom. I specifically asked her then if Bluto had made a mess or gotten into the trash. She said no. I asked again just to double check because she'll often say no without really thinking about the question. She actually went to the bathroom to check it seemed. She came back and still said no. So I was happy and went about the day. A couple hours later when I went back there, I opened the door (we usually keep it closed to keep Inara from flushing the toilet over and over and over and over) and stepped into a mess of torn up trash from the bathroom trashcan! So I called Jadzia over and asked her as calmly as I could why she'd told me there was no mess. I didn't even get a chance to raise my voice before she burst into tears. I guess she knew she was in trouble? While I was annoyed with Inara for closing the dog in there in the first place and annoyed at the dog for tearing up the trash, I was most annoyed at Jadzia for lying to me. After she cleaned it up as punishment and she calmed down (and I was calm), I explained to her that she had lied and tried to express the idea of truths and lies. Not sure if she got it exactly but we'll see.

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Today we went to the Commissary for just about everything. When we got there, all the kids were perfectly happy and I managed to get through all the shopping with no major meltdowns (although I had to grab a random package of Beef Jerky sticks for Anya to chew on before she turned a box into a great big slobbery goo). Robby had asked for just a couple of little things to be sent to him, specifically the singles packets that can be added to a bottle of water (like Kool aid, crystal light, etc). We had some still around the house but I wanted to grab some more. Then I start snack shopping for him. I had intended to fill one large flat rate priority box with goodies to mail out tomorrow. But somehow the whole "this looks good" *toss in cart* mentality took over and soon half the cart was filled with stuff potentially for Robby. When I got home and unpacked everything, I got a box ready to fill and filled it with A LOT left over. So I got the second box and filled it too. Sooooo tomorrow I get to take two boxes of goodies to the Post Office to mail off for Robby.

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I finished my Grey's Anatomy marathon. Four seasons of Grey's Anatomy over the course of a week or so - awesome! When it was all said and done, part of me wanted to start right back at the beginning. I love that show.

A little bit of Awesome

To start my day off, Anya slept from 10PM last night until 8AM this morning! While I don't expect repeats of that just yet - it is still awesome! If I'm really, super lucky she might do it again...and again. Maybe it will even become a habit! Wouldn't that be a kick?

After breakfast we ran to the Clothing and Sales store to get something for Robby, which they only had one of the two things we needed so we'll have to go back. While there I found these cute stuffed bears dressed in uniforms. I bought one for Jadzia in a PT uniform (her choice) and one for Inara in ACUs. We hit the Post Office after to mail some books out ("me-ah mail").

So we have had $100+ in change sitting in a jug on top of the refrigerator for awhile now. You see, our bank doesn't have a branch here in Hawaii so I can't take them there to deposit it and the coin counting machines take like 9-10%, plus you have to go through the line and everything else. With three kids, it's just a pain to go to a store I don't usually go to, wait in line and lose $10+ in the process. So I've never bothered and it just keeps growing. Well today I found out that you can get eCertificates for various stores/sites with free counting of the money (no losing 10%). So I looked up the nearest machine and we went - I ended up with a a $122 Amazon certificate! I LOVE Amazon! I intended to get some books, maybe a couple movies, something for the kids maybe but when I went I found a TON of books that I wanted with major bargain prices! I ended up spending $83 of it on 19 books, with free shipping!

After going to the coinstar machine, we popped over to the Goodwill nextdoor just to look around. I didn't really mean to buy anything and yet I walked out with a cute new skirt for Jadzia, a new Boppy pillow, a musical toy for Anya, three princess dolls for the girls (Ariel for Jadzia, Cinderella for Inara and Belle for Anya) and three baskets that I'll use for their Easter baskets. And it was only $15 for it all with a military discount. Have I mentioned that it was a super awesome day?

Yeah, it has been! I got to talk to Robby again who has been away for a couple days. He rocked and impressed people which means he'll have to go out more - that part it less awesome to me. But that's the job I guess.

Still, awesomeness all around. Oh and I'm having a little Grey's Anatomy marathon - old school Grey's! Early Addison is so easy to dislike.

I Can't Just Browse...

As I mentioned in my all to brief post earlier - Anya seems to be sleeping better in the evenings. This week, she has slept 7-8 hours straight most nights and the nights she woke up, she woke up only to eat and then went right back to sleep. I don't consider anything a "trend" until it's happened for a full week or so because usually around day 4-5, things revert back to the previous trend. So I won't consciously say she is sleeping through the night yet BUT I'm hoping it's just around the corner. Man do I hope so! It seems crazy to think that she could have two major breakthroughs in one week - first the solid food, now this? Of course, there's a chance the two are related. Anyway, fingers crossed that sleep filled nights are on the horizon!

We went to the Post Office today and generally the same three people work there every day. All three now know the girls and I because I'm usually mailing something at least once a week. I don't even have to give them instructions on how I want to mail my packages now because they usually know I want first class if possible, otherwise media mail on 90% of what I mail. The only difference is if I'm mailing something to Robby or if I want delivery confirmation. They always say hi to the girls and give them smiles or chat with them. Thankfully today's trip was in and out and dry.

We followed up with a trip to the PX where I went in not really NEEDING anything. This is not a good way to enter a store because it ensures you browse around and before you know it, your cart is full of stuff you never needed in the first place. I wanted to look for a couple pairs of pajamas for Jadzia because many of her older sets are too small or too short. Shopping for clothes for Jadzia is now a bizarre experience for me because she's no longer in the toddler sizes and is in little girl sizes. Unfortunately she's right at the in between area where it's not always easy to find her size in either department. 5T would fit her, as would a 5/6 in little girls but not everything goes up to 5T and not everything has a 5/6. So we walked out with only one pair of pajamas - and new Hawaiian dresses for Jadzia and Inara. That's the other problem with shopping for Jadzia - it usually prompts me to shop for Inara and Anya who hardly need any new clothes. Yet it feels weird to buy something for one and not get something for the others, especially since Inara is into Big Sister Idol Worship and anything Jadzia does or has, she wants to do or have.

Jadzia was kind enough to remind me that I'd mentioned wanting more bibs for Anya now that she was hand feeding herself. Even though I give her mostly dry finger foods, she likes to slobber them up and then stick some too her clothes - which is just nasty. We bypassed the movies and books as we have more than enough of those around here. I did buy a new webcam for the desktop since my laptop is still out of commission. As we meander up to the front, I resisted the urge to grab much else but the damage had already been done at that point.

Once home, with new webcam I was able to talk with Robby on IM and he managed to get his webcam working at least long enough for the girls and I to see him. The girls were excited and waved and blew him kisses, it was awesome. It completely made my day to see his face, even briefly.

I miss my hubby!

Really, really miss him. That's all I have to say for now. ;)

Congratulations Robby!

We knew it was coming because they told him BUT Robby officially got promoted to E-4! Yay!

So congrats to my wonderful, fabulous, terrific, hard working, super awesome hubby who I know reads this blog periodically.

Love you honey!!

Restless

Some might call it island fever, others might call it boredom, most days I just call it the blahs. I'm not depressed or sad, which is the conclusion most people seem to jump too - I'm just "eh".

One moment I think I want (or need) to get out of the house to do something. But the more I tried to figure out what that something is, the less I want to actually get out and do it. I make plans to go to the beach with the kids or go to the zoo or something and when it comes down to it end up making excuses or just ignoring those plans. I'm just "eh".

I think part of the problem is how I'm handling the deployment. I almost feel like I'm coping TOO well if that's possible. I expected to be sad and unfit for humanity for at least the first couple weeks but after the first day I've been pretty okay. Yeah I miss him, yeah I worry for him and yeah I'd love for him to be home right now but he's not and it's just how it is. I keep thinking I should be feeling more or maybe that I'm repressing the feelings or something. I don't know - maybe I am just handling it well. I felt worse when he left for basic training and then I knew he was safe. What's with that?

Also when he left for basic, I wrote him letters every day. I found cards to send him and was constantly trying to find little things to make the mail more exciting like ordering him Star Wars stamps or stamps from Zazzle.com with the kids' pictures on them. It took me three weeks to sit down and write him a single letter this time (of course it was like 6 pages long but still!). Granted this time I generally get to talk to him more often than we got to talk in basic but it still seems like I'm just not ... right. I don't even know how to explain it exactly because I keep coming back to just being "eh".

I think I really need to get out of the house and off base - do something different. Obviously my choices are limited given that I live on an island but considering we don't generally go anywhere beside the commissary or PX lately, anything would be a change of pace. For now though, I'm gonna go read my book! The "ehs", island fever, restlessness will pass sooner or later (though I'm hoping for sooner).

Point of No Return

I stayed up way too late reading last night. It was already 1am when I hit the point of no return. You know that point in a book where you have to finish, where every chapter leads you into the next by a cliffhanger and there isn't a conclusion until, well the conclusion of the book. Often it's the last 50-75 pages or so. With this book it was the last hundred. As I said, it was already 1am when I hit that point. It was almost 3am when I finally turned off the light and went to sleep. But I finished the book so that makes 8 for the year.

When I read Breaking Dawn the first time (and the second for that matter), I hit that point around 1am then too. I didn't go to bed until 3am then either. The funny part is that the second time, of course I already knew what happened and how the book ended but still, I hit that point and I just couldn't put the book down until I was done with it.

I burned dinner a smidge tonight because Robby called. They were leaving Kuwait for Iraq - I'm not sure when we'll get to talk to him next so I was glad he called. We got cut off mid conversation though but that's okay. Always good to hear his voice regardless.

It's a family

Last night I got two text from two totally different wives whose husbands deployed with Robby. I'm not sure if it's just common to wait a few days after departure and then make the rounds checking up on people or if they were talking about who they had and had not talked to or what but I appreciate their reaching out. I continued to text with them for awhile - even though I have only met each of them a couple times, it's nice to have back up on the island just in case. And it's nice to know there are people to talk to if I need it.

My mom doesn't quite understand (maybe she does now, not sure) why I didn't move back to Texas for the deployment and be close to family. I don't think I could ever explain it completely to her. Beyond the logistics of moving us and the dogs back to Texas for a year just to have to move back to Hawaii when Robby got back, I wanted - maybe even needed - to be in a military setting around people who have been there, done that or are doing it with me. No they aren't blood relations, but they are a family of sorts and they know what it's like and are experiencing it at the same time I am. As one of the other wives said last night; we have to stick together.

The Almost Breaking Point

I fell down the stairs. The more you read this blog, the more you'll discover that this clutzy behavior is not exactly out of the ordinary. I've fallen down the stairs a couple times since moving here - each time seemingly worse than before.

The first time was while I was pregnant with Stowaway - I was mildly sore for a day or two but otherwise unscathed. Robby was more upset that I didn't call him when it happened and waited until he got home to tell him it happened.

Then in the early hours on December 26th I fell down and slammed my back into the railing. I was carrying Anya at the time and instinctively turned so that I took all the damage and she just bounced in my arms. As a result I twisted my ankle or something. It hurt for a few days and now it's just a little sore occasionally.

Today I was carrying Inara (who is almost two) and my foot slipped and down I went - HARD. On my butt. Now I have decent cushion in that area but that didn't save me this time, I bounced down a couple steps and when I got up it HURT. I'm pretty sure I bruised my tailbone or something because it hurts to sit. Driving to the post office was just downright painful. That was not my almost breaking point - although it contributed to it. After the painful drive to the post office and after dragging the almost two year old kicking and screaming to a nap, I sat very uncomfortably on the couch to feed Anya. She fell asleep (yay!) and I gingerly took her upstairs to put her down. Halfway up her eyes popped open, that's not totally uncommon so I put her down and she started to fuss. Again, this isn't uncommon with her so I closed the door to give her a few moments. Soon the fuss became an all out cry and by that time I was about to break down. I was physically in pain and the idea of having to rock her back to sleep on my sore butt just made me want to cry. That's when all the "I wish Robby were here" thoughts peeped out and the need to cry was about more than the physical pain.

And then she stopped crying and got quiet - having fallen asleep. So I didn't QUITE break down today (well not mentally - I'm physically "broken" I think lol)

Thing-That-Should-Not-Be-Named

I knew when we arrived in Hawaii roughly when Robby would be deployed. The dates and event he month bounced around a lot but I knew it would happen. I chose to not think about it - no I wasn't ignoring it; I simply refused to spend 10 months miserable waiting for it to happen when he WAS here. When we got here in February I had plenty of other things to think about like Stowaway's impending arrival, being in Hawaii, getting settled, being in Hawaii, being a family again, did I mention being in HAWAII?!

After Stowaway, AKA Anya, was born in June - well I had a newborn, a toddler and a preschooler. I had plenty to occupy my mind that didn't involve a year long deployment. It was there, buried deep in my head but I wouldn't give the idea sunlight. Even as Jadzia turned 4 and the holidays rushed towards us; as the FRG meetings cropped up and Robby got shot after stupid shot in prep for this Thing-That-Should-Not-Be-Named; I didn't think about it....well not much at least.

But come December 1st, it was there -staring me in the face. I didn't want to be sad for the holidays. He was home, I didn't want to spend what time we had him with us sad. I bought the kids way to much for Christmas; I think it was retail therapy as much for me as it was for them. In the back of my mind I wanted them to have an awesome Christmas this year given what 2009 held for all of us. And seeing them happy, made Robby and I happy. Robby told me yes every time I mentioned yet another gift for the girls - I don't think he could refuse them anything at that point if he wanted to.

So on Christmas morning, the North Pole descended on our house - it's a wonder Santa had anything left for the rest of the keiki (Hawaiian for children) on the island; I could have sworn it all came here. At that point, the end was near. They - WE - had a great Christmas but it was bittersweet to me.

I did better than I thought I would in the week leading up to D-day; I didn't start getting despondent until the day before. Then it all came crashing down on me. I cried on and off, I stared a lot, I grabbed Robby for random hugs often interrupting his packing (not that he minded really). Then the night of, I was staring at my dinner plate and just started sobbing - I couldn't help it. It had nothing to do with the dinner plate obviously - maybe it was the errant "this is last dinner together" thought or maybe the dam just broke but it was all over from there.

He had to be up to his company at 130AM, so we put the girls to bed for a few hours and woke them when it was time. I hated to wake them but I think it was better that way - closure and all. The plan was to take him, drop him off and then get the girls back to bed quickly. But when we got there, I didn't want to leave knowing he would still be on the island for a few more hours (even if he'd be busy doing other things). I felt like leaving was a bad idea - like I was giving up time we could possibly have together. Robby knew as well as I did that the longer I hung around, the crankier the kids would be either that night or in the morning so he sent me on my way. My sweet neighbor came over to help me get the girls back to bed and then I stayed awake until almost 330AM before sleep caught me and pulled me under.

I haven't cried since that night we left him at the company. Sometimes I feel it surfacing and I'm primed for a good cry if need be - I know it can theraputic - but it just stops and the day goes on. I'm still waiting for the OMG moment where it all hits me like a ton of bricks or something.