Restless

Some might call it island fever, others might call it boredom, most days I just call it the blahs. I'm not depressed or sad, which is the conclusion most people seem to jump too - I'm just "eh".

One moment I think I want (or need) to get out of the house to do something. But the more I tried to figure out what that something is, the less I want to actually get out and do it. I make plans to go to the beach with the kids or go to the zoo or something and when it comes down to it end up making excuses or just ignoring those plans. I'm just "eh".

I think part of the problem is how I'm handling the deployment. I almost feel like I'm coping TOO well if that's possible. I expected to be sad and unfit for humanity for at least the first couple weeks but after the first day I've been pretty okay. Yeah I miss him, yeah I worry for him and yeah I'd love for him to be home right now but he's not and it's just how it is. I keep thinking I should be feeling more or maybe that I'm repressing the feelings or something. I don't know - maybe I am just handling it well. I felt worse when he left for basic training and then I knew he was safe. What's with that?

Also when he left for basic, I wrote him letters every day. I found cards to send him and was constantly trying to find little things to make the mail more exciting like ordering him Star Wars stamps or stamps from Zazzle.com with the kids' pictures on them. It took me three weeks to sit down and write him a single letter this time (of course it was like 6 pages long but still!). Granted this time I generally get to talk to him more often than we got to talk in basic but it still seems like I'm just not ... right. I don't even know how to explain it exactly because I keep coming back to just being "eh".

I think I really need to get out of the house and off base - do something different. Obviously my choices are limited given that I live on an island but considering we don't generally go anywhere beside the commissary or PX lately, anything would be a change of pace. For now though, I'm gonna go read my book! The "ehs", island fever, restlessness will pass sooner or later (though I'm hoping for sooner).